Number 21: Goonies Never Say Die!

Oh. My. God.

So I just finished watching The Goonies for my first time an hour ago. I must say... it was the greatest thing the 80's ever produced. Yeah, that's right, the 80's actually had a purpose. And that sole purpose was to produce The Goonies so that I could watch it, laugh, and be merry. In all seriousness, it was a really good movie. It wasn't a The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly or a 2001: A Space Odyssey, or a Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, but for all intents and purposes it was magical. I know that's a really corny word to be using to describe it, but that's really all I can use. It has this sense of wonderment, of magical excitement, of bad 80's hair and Cyndi Lauper.

The thing that surprises me the most about the movie was the fact that it was rated PG.

Things were totally different in the 80's. If this movie was released nowadays, it'd either be 20 minutes shorter or rated PG-13. Seriously, the kids swore all the time! You could never get away with saying "shit" or "piss" in a movie these days, let alone a PG one. You can't even say them on television! And the violence, oh the violence... You can't use guns in a PG movie these days, either. You can't even use real guns in One Piece! All the swords and skeletons and such would never fly nowadays. And Sloth. Well, I loved Sloth, he was very loveable and a fun character to watch, but I think he might've been censored too. Sorry, big guy. Oh, and there were copious amounts of Kerri Green panty-shots, and we can't have our young ones being exposed to that kind of sexual material, now can we?

It either proves that a) movie executives were really lenient during the 80's and 90's or b) that censorship has overrun our country. I mean, if Pokemon the Movie: Lucario and the Mystery of Mew gets rated PG in today's America, The Goonies would get an R.

All that jazz aside, The Goonies fully deserves to be the cult classic that it is. If I was a few years younger, this would be the greatest movie of all time. Even still, when I'm 16, it still holds a good amount of that childhood magic, and for that I think the cast and crew deserves a round of applause.

Grade: A-

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Adios!